Good day to you ladies and gentleman, welcome to another weekly round up of HS&P’s shenanigans.
I cant start review this week without mentioning the ‘W’ word, as its been plastered all over the media this week, it is, love it or hate it, the first week of Wimbledon. Now I’d just like to make this wager before it’s too late.
With every world cup, European Cup…any national competition we see the British press making over the top proclamations that this will be ‘Our Year’…EVERYTIME…and then what happens, we get embarrassingly knocked out at the first hurdle…or sometimes done even make it that far.
Predictably, Wimbledon is no exception, and if you believe the British press this is going to be ‘Britain’s year’, the first time since Marry asked Joseph one night before bed if her belly was looking bigger. Course it won’t. Has no one in the British press ever heard of playing it cool and understated? Because when we inevitably lose, it’s just embarrassing, an instant mockery.
…However in the off chance we do win (which we won’t) I’ll gladly shave off my golden beardy locks and gulp them down with a nice mug of pond water.
The rest of Monday was spent rather bizarrely flicking back and forth to gaze at Piers Morgan’s rather buff exposed torso in the New Burger King press ads. I really couldn’t decide whether to laugh or vomit over this rather odd choice for a rather odd new product, ‘Meat scented Cologne’…’the scent of seduction’. Is this a good ad…well it’s definitely bolshie, and certainly puts the former weasely Daily Mirror Editor up in my books. It’s also definitely memorable…whether or not for the right reasons I’ll leave that up to you, but surely fun and eye catching are characteristics all successful ads should have?…And don’t get me started on repeat view ability…I’ve been back for seconds…thirds…fourths…
Oh dear, I’m starting to feel insecure…I need to do something manly…I have to do something manly…I’m off to comb my manly gnome beard.
Summer returned on Tuesday as things started heating up again in the capital, Vish’s chest hair barometer had definitely started creeping down again. It was expected to be at least 3 maybe 4 buttons down by the end of the week. It goes without saying that by lunch time the majority of HS&P were soaking up the rays in Hanover Square mixing it up with the tramps and the pigeons.
As I’ve mentioned before dungarees, wellingtons and pointy hats…no matter how ridiculously stylish there are, do not mix with the sun. So while the humans are out (if you can call them that) the gnomes come out to play. I opted to hunt down some left over biscuits from a client meeting (a 100% cert in this place) and hop onto the coffee table and flick through Marketing Week. One article in particular is worthy of note, it seems after Pizza Huts disastrous PR stunt to rebrand their restaurants as ‘Pasta Hut’ they are now considering a name change to the shorter ‘The Hut’, apparently to fit in with the youth markets trend of abbreviating absolutely everything. First off, doesn’t ‘The Hut’ sell sunglasses, and secondly is pizza’s image so bad that they need to drop it from their name? Most people over the age of 25 find the abbreviation of absolutely every word in the English language actually quite annoying, they sell Pizzas…in buildings that resemble huts…so what’s wrong with ‘Pizza Hut’?
…’Oh my goodness gracious golden me it’s warm, my dungarees are chafing somewhat terribly, has anyone got any Talcum powder?’… Was my twitter for all you people that follow me on there this Wednesday…for those who don’t, why not?
I made it my personal quest this Wednesday to hunt down some talcum powder, first I headed up to Laura Hartill on the 3rd floor, our Accounts Assistant, after an anonymous tip off had told me she kept a supply in her top draw to stop her pits from sticking on the tube. Unfortunately for me and my Dungarees this was a dead end, however thankfully another tip off emerged. Dan Thwaites, our Director of Planning, bikes to work everyday and rumour has it that he keeps some talcum powder under his desk to help get in and out of his leathers…SCORE. With the talc secure I was off to Buxom Bess and the rest of the gnomes in the Ideas Garden to see if she’d do the honours.
Thursday, as is becoming the norm, was chaotic here at HS&P, an organised chaos, but never the less chaotic. Multiples of external meetings meant the kitchen was strewn with half eaten trays of biscuits, tea pots and half finished cups of coffee…a gnome’s paradise. However because of this even Mr Golden G himself had to offer a helping hand, so the only real memory I have of Thursday this week is that Zeidler had his legs out!…and what a beautiful pair of pins he has!
Friday, well what can I say, we had some tragic news today here at HS&P…It was brought to my attention this morning that at approximately 5.30pm on Thursday evening Sitting Pete was declared missing. Now sitting Pete has only been with us for just over 2 weeks, and in these two weeks id become very fond of him, he was a great specimen of a gnome, a stand up guy, a class act, he would have had no reason to have just upped and left without telling us where he was going, which can only lead me to believe he has been abducted. Sitting Pete was last seen sitting in the ideas garden, to be honest, he was only ever seen sitting in the ideas garden, he’s gnome shaped, looks like a gnome, and is approximately average gnome height, he was also wearing a hat. If you have seen a gnome fitting this description, or know anything that may help in finding sitting Pete don’t hesitate to get in touch.
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