Monday
Good morning Vietnam! Welcome to another weekly blabbering session from yours truly, the one and only Golden Gnome, there ain’t a place on this body where the sun don’t shine! I trust everyone had a gnometastical weekend?…If not why not?… Weekend wasters.
Bit of a garden emergency for me this weekend, the cunning black fly declared an all out invasion on my pond in a sick and un-provoked attempt to massacre my water Lillie’s, you just don’t mess with a man’s Lillie’s, it’s not right. Placard Pete and Slouching Bob were soon drafted round to help counteract this rudest of occupations, it was touch and go for a while, but after draining the pond and spraying enough insect killer to make your beard fall out the tide began to turn. (Can’t go wrong with a bit of chemical warfare) After thwarting several counterattacks in the late afternoon sun, the battle was finally won around tea time, the pond was safe again.
After ensuring all my lilies were thoroughly wiped down we decided to award ourselves with a preview showing of Quentin Tarantino’s new flick, ‘Inglorious Bastards’, staring Brad Pitt and Dianne Kruger. Not the usual massacre that you’d expect from Quentin, especially given the statement in the trailers ‘You haven’t seen a World War II movie until you’ve seen Quentin do a World War II movie’. I spent the first half an hour waiting for Brad to be introduced to start shooting up some Nazi’s Tarantino style, as promised. Unfortunately this was few and far between, however once you get over this and except it you get sucked in by the delicious and often very tense dialogue, it’s one of those films that’s all about the eyes and close up facial expressions, a film consisting of one long continuous take of ‘ VERY serious’ conversation to the next. Never the less, definitely worth a gander this week if you find yourselves at the cinema.
Back to the day in hand…Official word was broken on Friday by Mr Hicklin himself that we’d won the pitch for the Sony UK retail account, a joint collaboration between ourselves and the lovely folk at Live and Breathe (read more about this here… http://jointhethinking.com/Newsarticle/4056/sony-awards-major-retail-brief-to-tailormade-agency)
What does this mean for us…Well it means two immediate things…As a reward for everyone’s hard work over the last year the agency is off on our summer hols to Spain this September, watch out Puerta Banus, here we come! Time to dust off my mankini and find my Top 100 Spanish Gnome chat up lines guide, I do like them hairy. Secondly it means we have a lot of work cut out for ourselves to ensure our new ‘Sony’ floor is fully operational for the team to take charge from tomorrow.
…In other news today lovely Charlotte is back on reception whilst the equally lovely Rachel’s on holiday… (I’ve got to score my brownie points somewhere) So be sure to come and say hello, she won’t bite…much.
…The Ocardo order breaks all previous records and fails to turn up at all; afternoon tea today was seriously scrapping the barrel. There might not even be an afternoon tea tomorrow…which has never happened before…the world might spin off it’s axis…maybe?…it’ll at least spark agency wide riots as everyone grows increasingly tetchy without their 3 o’clock sugar fix, riot gnomes will need to be drafted in for sure.
…And finally, Vlad is sited shuffling around in some extremely tight jeans, refusing to pick up a pen for no man in fear of what might happen. Never mind he had some pretty awesome pointy shoes to make up for it.
Tuesday:
Fresh off the success of last weeks good news regarding Sony, it was announced today by Richard French (Crayon, Managing Director) that the Crayon guys had craftily won the British Gas pitch! So congrats to everyone involved in that. Maybe we’ll be able to afford some decent lodgins for us gnomes now and maybe some more gnome friendly furniture and kitchen utensils…and while we’re at it perhaps some gnome friendly toilets…because quite frankly, falling short of using potties, clambering up the makeshift soggy phone directories and hovering our derrieres over the rim is getting beyond a joke, and more to the point, dangerous! Missing Sitting Pete…remember him anyone? He was with us for about a week before disappearing!
The rest of today’s attention was focussed on the new Sony floor which was required to be up and running for 3pm, which meant Alex spent a considerable amount more of his day between peoples legs than he probably would of liked to ensuring all plugs were in the corresponding sockets …in particularly Nick Coopers…the naughty boy!
Contempt with his wires, a bizarre fetish I know, the rest of the Sony team began setting up their desks…and just as if exploring a new holiday apartment or new flat, they excitedly played with every draw, cupboard, chair, fridge and toilet. Collin (Account Manager) was particularly excited with finding a draw fall of cough medicine and a 6 pack of Heineken, what a night that’ll be; just don’t mix it with Propofol.
Wednesday:
In short Ryan meets Jeff.
(Technically he met Jeff last week…but I only met Jeff today)
Who’s Jeff?
A Chair.
What???
Just watch this…Ryan’s You Tube debut.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-o9wB8e6BP4 (The only person to be shown actually taking a chair)
Personally I’m not sure I would have opened it, who knows what could of happened, it could of had anthrax in it…or worse, a tramp urinating up a near by wall could of turned around and accused you of stealing his prized golden envelope and chair…before long you could be wrestling with a tramp and soon after find yourself convicted of theft and GBH. Curiosity killed the cat Ryan.*
Thursday:
Is there anything wrong with a grown man eating pink wafers?
Friday:
Another week in the bank! I’ll see you all in the pub. I’ll end this week on something that I discovered the other week, for those of you who follow me on Twitter or Facebook you’ll already be familiar with this delightful new product, a product I’ve personally been waiting fro someone to invent for some time. http://www.handerpants.com/
* On hearing that Ryan would be featuring in this week’s blog he quickly replied with ‘does anyone even read that?’…so with that hurtful opinion in mind…he wont mind me telling everyone that I caught him last week picking his nose in the second floor kitchen shortly before dipping his finger in the sugar bowl and quickly licking it clean.
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