Monday
It was a groggy start to the week this morning, with the coffee machine on overdrive the weekend’s excursion to the gnome sanctuary in the Scottish Highlands had definitely taken its toll. Despite an early night I felt like someone had rudely taken my glorious golden body out on a magnificent bender without my permission! Urgh, battle on I did, us gnomes are a tough little race.
Now all the excitement this morning revolved around wallpaper…I know this sounds quite sad; but I’d rather think that we’re ‘easily excited people with an admiration for all things creative’…see, sounds much better than ‘sad’. Over the weekend the final touches of the final touches of the final touches of the office move around took place, new pink floral wallpaper now hangs where the magnificent hedges once stood, sigh. I reluctantly followed the crowd for a viewing…MAN I LOVE PINK FLORAL WALLPAPER! …Stands to reason really,…gnomes…gardens…flowers…= a love for floral wallpaper, it may even stop me from sulking about the recent spurt of deforestation in the agency.
If you think the wall paper was exciting, wait until you hear what we had for afternoon tea…Club biscuits! A nostalgic flash back to the 90’s lunch box filler, we’ll be p..p..pppppicking up a penguin next. We need to slow down before we hurt ourselves.
Tuesday
Discovered the delight of the Hot Chocolate from the new coffee machine this morning, seriously BUUZZZZZING, major sugar rusSSSSHH. I’d heard rumours from Nicky Wallis that it was gooood, I fear I could get addicted, these human sized cups don’t help either, not a very gnome friendly kitchen…trying to use a knife and fork takes the biscuit. Going to have to limit myself to two cups a day, we gnomes aren’t the slimmest of species and our addictive personalities won’t help either…hence the pointy hats…dungarees…fishing. Ohhhh here comes the come down. Man life’s so depressing.
In other news I see OXO are looking for a new family to feature in their up and coming campaign, with the introduction of the ‘OXO factor’. Families have to film and submit their own advert to show how they give their food the ‘OXO factor’…interpret that how you will?! Viewers will then be able to vote on the final 5 videos. There are surely only so many ways to apply gravy to your food without it getting silly…which is exactly what would have to happen as gravy isn’t the most entertaining subject on the planet…hence the ‘big brother’ down with the kids campaign. I’m sure if left to ponder over this HS&P could come up with some messy ideas of our own, we should sooo submit an entry, I’m sure we can conjure up a make believe family from our own staff. All we need are volunteers for a motherly figure, a stern but fair father figure, and some rowdy teenage kids. I’ve already got my suggestions for the role of the parents but fear for my life if I reveal them publically, anyone else braver than me? We should hold auditions immediately…
Wednesday
It was quite a subdued Wednesday morning, with torrential rain hammering down outside and everyone cracking on with their work inside, boring; I decided to go for my monthly polishing session. I’d hoped Buxom Bess would offer to rub the polish in where my little hands are unable to reach…unfortunately I had to make do with Placard Pete’s rough hands, urgh calluses.
Just as Pete finished shinning my cheeks and I was off on the prowl for my next entertainment fix something quite bizarre happened in reception, quite ironic considering the pouring rain outside really. As if from nowhere two scantily clad ‘life guards’ and their aid appear asking for Gary Moore (Senior Digital Planner). To cut a long story short this turned out to be a new business stunt where Garry on his eventual arrival was presented with a beach bag of goodies. This did however provide several minutes of awkward amusement with everyone on the second floor trying their hardest to act as if everything was normal not really knowing where to look…Us gnomes knew exactly where to look just as the female life guard mumbles to her counterpart…’this outfit always gives me a wedgy’…classy.
Now I feel it’s time for my weekly rant, it’s good to talk, so we’re told and it’s a lot cheaper than a therapist…
T-mobile-Life’s for sharing- This campaign has bugged me for some time and after seeing its recent carnation on the side of a bus this lunch time it was definitely the final straw. As I’m sure you’re all quite well aware this campaign is based around a stunt set in Trafalgar Square, as the pop star Pink pops up quite literally from nowhere whilst 100’s of microphones are passed around to passers by so that they can all have a nice sing along. As a one off stunt this is quite nice, with a suitably sweet end line. However, a one off stunt is exactly all it is, rather than coming up with further concepts to continue this strategy across other mediums they have literally taken ‘snap shots’ of this one idea and spread them across every media imaginable, it’s just plain lazy.
I’m sure I’m not the only one sick of seeing these ad shells and magazine spreads of people desperately clambering over one another to get in the shot, if they only knew how sad they looked, this 15 minutes of fame Big Brother culture is so dated. I imagine it was only mildly fun for the guys there, for everyone else it’s like being shown photos of a party that you weren’t invited to. I don’t know, maybe I’m just jealous I didn’t get to sing along with PINK.
Thursday
No life guards this morning, disappointing, but it is the HS&P social tonight, so with Selous (IPA Placement) out buying more than enough grub to feed our clan everyone is hard at work to ensure they earn their Pimms and lemonade for HS&P’s own Party in the Park. (This if it doesn’t start raining cows and horses)
In other news…we all have to be creative sponges in this industry, it is vital that we absorb all aspects of design, be it music videos, movies, packaging, and gadgets to architecture or interior design…even You Tube videos to pass around and annoy your colleagues. You could almost call this ‘studying’…with this in mind I’d like to recommend to you all a movie that I watched last night round Placard Pete’s gaff, Bronson, directed by Nicolas Winding Refn and staring Tom Hardy as Charlie Bronson.
Initially a film about a prisoner notorious for being Britain’s most violent, didn’t particularly appeal to me, we gnomes are pacifists, and a film about his prison antics in my opinion would only enlarge his ego and exacerbate things. However after being blown away by Tom Hardy’s portrayal as an East End gangster in Sky1’s recent one off thriller ‘The Take’ (http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/video/2009/may/21/sky-the-take) I was intrigued to see another of his performances and I was not to be disappointed. This film is not a bland documentary of Bronson’s life; it’s loosely based upon it, if anything it’s more Clock Work Orange than Prison Break, as surreal as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, apart from the bald orange umper lumpers are replaced by a buffed up naked Tom Hardy covered in black paint and cooking oil. It is simply one of those films where everything just clicks, from the casting, directing, and script to the sinister funky electro sound track. Tom Hardy is definitely one to watch, me and Placard Pete give this a 5* golden approval, strongly recommended.
Right it’s raining Dogs and Horses…time for plan B, Pub Quiz and plenty of free booze.
Friday
Another week gone here at HS&P, the less said about this morning the better, there’s a lot of dreary eyes and husky voices today…complete with bottles of mineral water on almost everyone’s desk…the tell tale sign of the aftermath of a good night.
I’m off to trim my rose bushes.
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