It was a morning for record breaking today as it must have been at least the 4th consecutive wet Monday on the trot, yet another British summer consigned to the summer that never was pile and Vish’s chest o’rometer sealed away for another year. On a positive note, no more sweaty dungaree chafing.
Now we’ve all played the ‘who would you like to get trapped in a lift with’ game, if you’d asked Ryan this morning Ramit wouldn’t of even featured in his top ten, but we don’t always get what we wish for do we now. The second record of the day was smashed by these two for the longest time spent trapped in our temperamental lift, spending a whole 25 minutes cuddled up together. Only they know what they did to pass the time but after almost half an hour the lift eventually spat them out, both looking surprisingly relaxed?? Thankfully it didn’t get to 30 minutes as they’d made a pact to toss a coin to see who had to be ‘put down’ in order to conserve oxygen.
‘Knob Creeks Run Dry’, was one of the main headlines in the media news today according to their new ‘Thanks for Nothing’ press campaign. Apparently it takes 9 years before each batch is ready to drink and in 2000 they misjudged the demand now refusing to bottle up the 2010 supply a few months early. Quite an ironic campaign if they actually have nothing to promote…yet despite never having even as much sniffed a glass of Knobs Creek in my life I now want some before its too late!…Otherwise I’ll be waiting until next year, I’m such a sucker of a gnome!
Now for some deadly serious news, all jokes aside, stern serious faces on. According to the weekends news papers a plague of gnome theft has hit the country, in the difficult times we find ourselves in the hanus crime of Gnome Trafficking has become increasingly profitable. Quite frankly, this makes me sick, its an outrage, and I’m afraid to say it…but it’s looking more and more likely our good friend Sitting Pete fell victim to this after his disappearance from the Ideas Garden last month. Poor Pete’s probably in some far away Eastern country right now sat sewing buttons on to the crotch of boxer shorts, sickening. God only knows what would happen if word got out that there was a golden gnome in town, I’d be the Holy Grail of gnome trafficking, I’m going to have to get me some security.
Tuesday:
It was one of those days today, HS&P was packed to the rafters with meetings, anywhere where there was enough space for more than 3 or 4 people to congregate was made into a make shift meeting area, this even included the 3rd floor gents where I was confronted by a ‘Do Not Disturb, Meeting in Progress’ sign, when I wondered up to answer natures call. This did however allow us to show off the new 1st floor lounge to our lovely clients, great space for those involved, not so great for the guys who put their lunches in the fridge first thing and weren’t allowed back in their until the end of the day. Scary how quickly malnutrition can set in.
We like to look after our guests here at HS&P and one of the perks of the job is squabbling over the leftovers like vultures, so with several external meetings today, boy were there left over’s. So with the lingering smell of left over Sushi in the air it wasn’t too long before a crowd formed in the kitchen to get their mitts on left over breakfast pastries, sushi and sandwiches…who cared if it had been out all day.
At the end of this action packed day Richard Parkes (Account Director) did little to help the already stereotypical opinion held by many of the industry. After spending all day on the first floor in client meetings playing with funky new products, binging on breakfast pastries and sushi platters, washed down with a nice glass of chilled wine, Richard eventually stumbles back up to the real world only to sulk about what a hard day he’s had. I tell you now, sitting Pete in his ‘Boxer Factory’ will really feel his pain.
Wednesday:
After the crazy Tuesday that was Tuesday, Wednesday has been unusually quiet, too quiet, maybe it’s the silence before the storm…maybe they’ll be a story for me to write yet, rather than babble on talking about nothing to fill in some space…Even the news was some what bland, with no new exciting ads for me to rant about, even the videos’ of Michael Jackson, with or without his hair on fire were getting old, until I stumbled across a viral for…ASPRAY…the all over body deodorant. ‘Are you suffering from Pungent Pitts?’, ‘Beastly Butt Odour?, apparently Aspray can be used where other deodorants cant…’You can even Aspray your privates’…apparently. I kid you not folks, this is a genuine product, check it out, please, be sure to watch out for the nice guy who claims, I quote, ‘I’ve got odour in special places’. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lmy9R_WtPbg
Thursday/Friday:
Thursday saw the beginning of the final touches of last weeks office move around, with the builders arriving to construct new meting rooms on the 1st and plum in a nice new dishwasher so that the kitchen will hopefully stop looking like it’s from an abused university dorm. I was glad I wouldn’t be here, because quite frankly the noise of electric drills and hammering was just too much for my little pointy sensitive ears to take. I instead will be off to the Scottish Highlands to a gnome sanctuary, way upon high in the mountains, set up for disadvantaged gnomes that have been abandoned by their owners. It’s a great cause that I have the honour of being ambassador for, the little fella’s are rehabilitated back into gardens and taught to trust humans again, along with other essential life skills, such as how to fish with a stick and thread, weeding, pruning your rose bushes, growing your own fruit and veg and most importantly, maintaining a healthy beard.
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